Random questions on a Friday morning.

How do you make the cast-on row for a sock as loose as the ribbing? I've been ripping out the cast-on row after the sock is finished (a blind cast-on), but that doesn't leave a neat edge.

For two positive continuous functions $f$ and $g$ with support $\bb{R}^+$, let $g$ be strictly increasing. For an arbitrary $f$, can I find a $g$ such that $f(g^{-1}(x)) \left| \frac{d}{dx} g^{-1}(x) \right|$ is strictly increasing when $f$ is strictly increasing and increasing-then-decreasing when $f$ is increasing-then-decreasing? If not, can I show that no such $g$ exists?

How can I convince Angry Toddler to wear panties to daycare if the Dora the Explorer panties aren't enough to make her want to?

Countdown.

I have 10 days to get all my revise/resubmits done and then I have to appear in a classroom again. Of course I won't get them done, because I have course prep to do too. And I just learned that 120+ butts are currently registered in my class and the room holds... (dramatic pause/drum roll) ...90 butts. Now this should make for interesting exam days.

Aaahhh!

My usual morning beverage, a frothy, sweet, decaffeinated concoction, was accidentally mixed with two shots of high-test caffeinated espresso. I haven't drunk caffeine for over ten years.

I'm climbing the walls. My hands are shaking, my head is pounding, and I think I really must claw my eyes out. How do all you "real" coffee drinkers handle this every day? This is one nasty dirty buzz.

On being the only one.

I don't usually feel that I have been penalized by being a female in my profession. There are very few women in my field -- there is only one other woman of senior rank in my professional society. My way up the ranks has therefore tended to be facilitated by my senior male colleagues, rather than hindered, in their desperate attempts not to appear sexist.

However, there are some things that fall to me to do because I am the only woman. These are things that I must do because my male colleagues, bless their little Y-chromosomes, simply can't see that they must be done. Today's case in point: a struggling graduate student.

This student's primary advisor is not in our department. Therefore it has been easy for her to do nothing at all without anyone taking notice. She is, after several long years of doing nothing at all, on probation, and she must submit a draft of her thesis within a few weeks or leave the program. She has been avoiding everyone, including her advisor, all summer long. We all thought that she was working on her thesis.

She came in last week from out of town. She made lots of noise in the hallway around our offices, talking about how she was in town for the sole purpose of meeting with her advisor to get the last details of her thesis ironed out. "No, I can't go to lunch with you all," she said when asked, "I have to go meet with Dr. Advisor about my thesis." She packed a huge bookbag with notes and papers and her draft. "I'm going now to meet with Dr. Advisor," she announced, and disappeared.

Well, she didn't meet with Dr. Advisor. She didn't even have an appointment with Dr. Advisor, who is pissed as hell and threatening to pull himself from her committee. She drove several hundred miles for the sole purpose of putting on a show. The rest of my colleagues are not worried at all about this behavior, chalking it up to laziness or procrastination. After all, this is not their problem, she is not their student. They are happy to boot her out of the program, weeks before she is to defend her thesis, knowing that they are doing the "right thing," that she had plenty of chances and ample warning.

All these things are true. However, no one has ever talked to her to find out if she's okay or to ask if she needs any help from us. Yes, she's a procrastinator, but she's also a sweet, smart woman, and the lying and posturing are so out of character that she must be seriously ill. So this is my task for tomorrow: I have to call her and find out what the hell is going on. I am dreading this conversation, and wishing I had a big, hard penis that could relieve me of this responsibility.

Update 9/7: I called. It wasn't so bad, so I don't know why I was dreading it. I didn't get too much information from her except that she is working very hard, and she seemed very grateful that I was concerned. If she's sick, she's hiding it well.

I expressed to her the importance of being visible and communicative, and explained how these deadlines we impose are usually meaningless when we have the impression (no matter how faulty) that progress is being made. She promised me she would call Dr. Advisor today. I hope Dr. Advisor will give her one last chance.

What would you do?

I cried when I read this story. Then I asked myself, what would I do in the same circumstances?

Would I loot a grocery store to get food for my family? Yes.

Would I loot a store to get new things like DVD players or microwave ovens? No.

Would I pick up a gun to protect my family from looters? Yes.

Would I pick up a gun to get food for my family? Maybe.

Would I pick up a gun to take food away from someone who needed it as much as my family did? No.

Would I try to take someone else's place on an evacuation vehicle? No.

Would I put my daughter in someone else's place on an evacuation vehicle? Yes.

Would I have put my family in this situation by staying in New Orleans when I had a chance to get them out? No. But, I am, compared to most of those souls trapped in the Superdome, unimaginably wealthy. My family would have had options that few of them had.