LSU has a swanky on-campus hotel. I shared one of its elevators with two sets of parents. "Our son's finals are over today," one mother said to the other, "And we're all driving home together tomorrow."
"Oh, our son's finals are over tomorrow morning, and we're all driving home tomorrow, too!"
Yes, they had made the trip to Ellesiouville just to provide moral support for their sons during finals week. And to drive them home after. No, they didn't know each other.
I suppose it's kind of sweet, in a creepy, smothering way. Is this standard operating procedure now?
Friday, March 14, 2008
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Ugh.
Last week, as I trudged up the staircase burdened with books and to-dos, I ran into a prospective/incoming MA, glowing with innocent excitement having just finished a visit to the department where I'm a student.
She'd brought her mother.
(I do feel some need to point out that when I visited, I not only came alone, but was recovering from mono.)
We hates them, tricksy parentses.
To judge by the number of buses on my campus today taking students back home (mostly inside Route 128, AKA I-95), it's not that common around us. I do recall a prospective grad student who was accompanied by a parent, but only one.
Wow. My parents did NOT come hold my hand through finals.
My mom did, however, come stay with me while I was doing my 40-hour written comps. (I figured that my friends had spouses to help them out during that grueling week, so why shouldn't I ask for help from a family member? It was incredibly helpful to come home each day to a decent meal and a support system.) But the differences are that I was pushing 30, and I knew my weaknesses...and a two hour final is NOT the same thing as a 40 hour final.
I was accompanied by my dad when I visited grad schools. I was 22, which meant I was too young to rent a car, a big necessity in the towns (without decent public transportation) I was visiting. But my dad made himself very, very scarce during my auditions. I doubt that any of the faculty even knew he was there.
I would have KILLED my parents if they'd appeared anywhere near my college campus before my finals were over. (After finals, sure, because it's always good to get real food and--in my case--to do laundry without searching for quarters.)
I think it's a little unfair to paint these parents with the same brush as most helicopter parents.
There *have* been a few violent college-related incidents in recent years. Maybe this was their way to "check things out" every once in awhile. It might also be an excuse for them to get a little vacation time away from home themselves.
And it's not as if the parents were accompanying their kids to the actual exams or anything.
Good lord. I just defended helicopter parents. What is this world coming to!?!?!
If my mother had come near me during finals week, I would have killed either myself or her. Then I would have toasted her bones and used them to extend my coffee beans.
Might have had her come for a visit,to a new program, mostly because I needed buy in for check writing, but also because our academic careers were some thing we had in common. But during finals, never.
Ha! When I was at university it took me at least two days to recover fully from the post-finals celebrations. The LAST thing I would have wanted would be to spend hours in a car with my parents on the morning after! Maybe that's what the parents are up to - preventing their precious offspring from getting wildly drunk and dancing in fountains at midnight.
Honestly, though, in the light of morning, I realize that some of these Helicopter Parents may be alumni of LSU who came back to feel young again. If that's it, then it's just a bit maudlin rather than sad and creepy.
Or not.
Moral support consisted of the following. My father took me to college and got me checkd into my dorm room. Then he dropped me off in front of the dormatory builing, stacked my stuff on the curb, shook my hand and got in the car and drove off.
He did not visit me again on campus until the day of my graduation ceramony.
Finacial support was good, he did pay for my entire education.
We live on the west coast and my daughter is a freshman, at a college near Boston.
I did fly out with her in the fall, but only for the car-rental reason mentioned by terminal degree.
I texted her every day during the December finals -- that's as helicoptery as I got.
Several of her classmates have HPs --one calls her son every morning to make sure he is up.
The HP children are held in a certain degree of contempt by my daughter and her friends.
My inlaws hate driving, and I know at least once they've driven up to my brother-in-laws school a day (or two!) early, so as to give themselves a break from driving (it's a long 5 hours from their home).
But, they would never interact with brother-in-law before finals were over, and the certainly wouldn't willingly talk to another parent on the elevator. (They seem to regard small talk as a rude imposition.)
almond joy is leaving tomorrow for 4 days of college visits with her cousin who lives in that area of the country. she did invite me to come with her, but I think it's probably better that she see some things without my input. plus I have a lot of wallpaper to take down over spring break.
Ha! I would not want my parents with me during finals time, that would just stress me out even more. I become a totally different person during exam time.
I used to work in a computer lab on my campus and during the summer orientation program, parents had to be banned because they'd come into the lab and "help" their students register.
"Why aren't you registering for math? You need another math class! You're supposed to take writing! Taking yoga would be stupid. Why are you taking that English class?"
I would also overhear parents on the phone with the registrar/financial aid/Greek life/ admissions offices trying to take care of their kids' stuff for them.
The school provides parent seminars on "letting go" and parents can stay in dorms.
It made me REALLY glad that when I went to orientation, my dad drove me the four hours to school and then disappeared for the weekend, showing up only to buy me dinner one of the nights. He didn't even consider doing any of the cheesy parent things, and would have laughed at me if I'd asked him to do any of the things the other helicopter parents did.
Thankfully, the only time I saw my parents during my time in college was at graduation.
I was too busy working two jobs and taking extra classes, semester or no semester....
cheers,
I don't see parents on the D2U campus until right after finals, when it's time to move kids out of the dorms. As for me, when I went to freshman orientation at Univ. of Georgia, my aunt (who lived near Athens) picked me up and dropped me off, but otherwise didn't interfere. I moved myself into and out of the dorm. Luckily, my parents knew not to bug me during finals week.
I went to a public college in the same city that I grew up in. Lived at home while getting my B.Mus. Paid for it on my own, too.
But when I went BACK to school to get my associates degree in nursing, my mother was the dean of the second level. And taught several of my classes.
This is how non-helicoptery she was:
Me: I think I'm going to do really well in N202 this semester, mom. I really feel like an A is coming my way.
Mom: Well, do your best. A B is a good grade too, you know.
Me: uh, ok.
My kid wants a remote control helicopter parent. You know? Flick a switch and Mom or Dad will swoop down and feed/clothe/finance/fight your battles. Flick another switch and they will buzz away and stay out of your business. Not my style but he's still trying.
As weird, I think, are the $1,200 high school senior photo shoots they have all had.
Anonymous, I must admit that while I didn't want my parents to even step into the building where all the business-type things (admissions, financial aid, etc.) happen, I'd love to have a switch to get them to come cook for me.
I'm 27 and if I could have my dad come cook me dinner every night, I would. None of the restaurants in town have chefs anywhere near as good as he is.
I went to orientation by myself, school by myself, grad school orientation by myself (moved there by myself) and so on. If you need your parents to hold your hand as you go off to college, you're an idiot.
I teach high school, and sometimes I can see the helicopter parents taking their chopper lessons and fueling up. I had one mom bring her daughter's portfolio to me (after filching it from her daughter's room--the daughter told her not to see me), so she could discuss the girl's grade. It was the usual--it's the teacher's fault the student didn't get an A. She always gets As so I must not have been clear enough in my expectations. Of course, the KID knew she got what she deserved. When I refused to do anything about it, especially without involving the student, mom was thoroughly put out. When I asked what she'd do next year when her daughter went to college, she said she'd do exactly the same thing! I could hear the chopper's blades whirring at that moment!
when I left for college, Pop shook my hand and said "if I was not ready for the apron strings to be cut once I went past the mailbox on the road, I should unpack my &^&% and not go out the driveway. I left with 75 dolllars to last until my first work study check 3 weeks later.
He gave me his credit card to pay for books each semester and I took care of the rest with loans and grants. My folks never stepped foot on campus. They were going to attend graduation and when they recieved the instructions on when where and why they should be in a certain place at a certain time, it intimidated the hell out of them and they decided it was too much.
This gave me the opportunty to use cap and gown money for the U-haul and I sat in the colisem with the heliocpter parents and watched my graduation form the cheap seats.
Well, as a university teacher, so long as the helicopter parents don't try to land in my office, I figure it's all fine. Everyone's different: in a perfect world, parents would know when their kids need support and when to step back. It's sad when parents want to micro manage their kids, but if my students' parents called them once a week and reminded them to do their homework, that'd be just fine with me (especially if it worked).
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