Whoa, Mr. Skateboard Punk! When did you decide it was okay to slash or hurl or thrash or whatever-you-want-to-call-it through unsuspecting pedestrians on a crowded sidewalk? I felt guilty about it for about 30 seconds, but decided I was glad you weren't wearing a helmet. I can't decide, however, if I want you to smash your unprotected frontal cortex against the sidewalk, potentially turning you into a mild, happy and useless lump of carbon, or your unprotected occipital cortex against the sidewalk, rendering you blind and therefore less able to endanger innocent people and destroy benches, walls, steps, and other public property with your annoying hobby.
I think I'm going to go with the occipital damage. There's always a chance that the frontal damage won't incapacitate you, but will instead make you even more of an impulsive jerk than you are now.
Friday, May 08, 2009
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7 comments:
Of course, he won't do either of those things--he'll grow up, buy a huge motorcycle which he'll insist on riding without a helmet. Helmet laws, as is widely known by all right-thinking Americans are yet another intrusion into our basic rights. In this case that right is the right to have the wind blow freely through his cerebellum. I predict, however, that he(or his family)will have an epiphany about the merits of free health care as soon as he becomes either a vegetable, a quadriplegic, or both.
Just wait until your Angry kid grows up to be a "skateboard punk":) Wow, you really are settling into middle-age. You'd wish brain damage on a kid because you don't like his sport?
I once had a temporary and invisible disability that made my body extremely sore. The idea of some zithead riding his skateboard into a crowd and potentially bashing someone to whom the slightest touch is agony - I can sympathize with your anger. I usually go the Buddhist route and hope he attains nirvana instantly, thus removing him from the planet.
Well, LKD, from the way I read the post, I'd say that what was objectionable was the disregard of others. If that's an integral part of any sport, I'd have to answer, yes, I do object to it--the brain damage part was what they call "hyberbole", I think.
Another point, however, is that "sport" as it's commonly defined is usually practiced safely away from the affairs of others. When you ride a skateboard down a sidewalk, for instance, it's not a sport, it's transportation.
Skateboarding through crowded sidewalks? I think you went easy on him just wishing him harm. I would've tripped him. And I'm not anywhere close to middle age yet.
You think that's bad? I live in a state where wearing a helmet on a motorcycle is optional. Just the other day in heavy-but-quick-moving traffic, a dude on a bike with no helmet doing about 85-90mph zipped in between cars riding the line on the highway. You literally couldn't see him until he was next to you. All I could think was "This guy's wife is going to lose her husband and it will have been entirely preventable."
My next thought was "Note to self - if my husband ever does that I will kill him with my bare hands - at least then I won't have to see his brains splattered all over the pavement."
I've seen t-shirts that read, "SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME."
No, but property damage is.
I've had naughty thoughts about carrying around a handful of BBs in my pocket. Scattering them like crumbs for pigeons would put a quick stop to the board. Its rider, however, would continue in a straight line, subject to other forces, such as gravity.
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