We went shopping over the weekend at the Mall o' Middle America. (Trust me, there is nothing wrong with the economy, at least here. There was a line of tweeners at the Claire's Boutique cash register that went all the way out the door and into the mall proper.) Now is when all the winter clothes go on sale, so I went into The Children's Place and picked up a stack of tiny blue jeans for 50% off.
Last year the Angry Kid was all about pink frilly dresses. I'm over the moon that now she is more interested in blue jeans. She wants the jeans to have sparkles and pink embroidery, but this is a compromise I can handle.
This morning I helped her put on a pair of her new jeans. They fit perfectly. (My kid wears a size 4/5 vertically and a size 3 horizontally, so fit is always an issue.) I told her how nice they looked on her, and she started to look concerned. She had noticed, but I had not, that the jeans had no sparkles and no surplus of pink embroidery. "These are boys' pants!" she wailed.
Last year I would have said that there's no such thing as boys' pants and girls' pants, but we're into the kindergarten/little girl clique thing now and I know better than to waste my time on gender stereotyping arguments at 6:30 a.m.. Instead I said, "No, they're girls' pants, I promise."
"How can you tell?" She demanded proof.
"See?" I said, "There are little hearts embroidered on the back pockets." That worked. We finished the morning routine and I left for work.
At my desk, thirty minutes later, I got a call from the Angry Baker. "Talk to her," he said. A little voice came over the phone. "Mommy," she whispered, "Are these boys' pants?"
"No, honey," I responded. "Remember, they have little hearts on the back pockets." Struck by inspiration, I lied, "They're Hannah Montana pants!"
Now she's thrilled. And I feel unclean.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
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20 comments:
Angry- you gotta do, what you gotta do... and this speaking as someone who has the clothing battle with not 1, but two daughters every single day. Trust me, it's going to get worse when she hits about 9 and absolutely must blend in with her friends. It's extreme- brace yourself.
I'm begging for school uniforms. A little khaki and navy blue would bring such relief from this clothing thing into my life!
Brother 1 and SILa1 are trying to raise Niece in a way that doesn't include seriously girly-girl stuff, but Niece is defying them by attaching herself to pink frills.
Personally, I think you are brilliant!
Oh stop. She was fine after talking to her this morning.
(dinner => salad and focaccia)
I think the goal is to raise someone who can think for themselves. So pushing a girl away from a stereotype is just as silly as pushing her toward one. Wanting to fit in is both typical and healthy for a kindergartener. And if she's likely to describe her love of fashion in terms of distance to the Oort cloud, you've got nothing to worry about. You may have skimped on the desired level of embroidery, but you sent her off to school feeling confident, and that makes you a GREAT mommy.
Wow, this is why I don't want kids. But I agree with Niki--you're supporting your daughter and making her feel good, meaning you're both a good mommy and a good feminist.
My husband convinced my daughter that Barney drove the Cartoon Network NASCAR so he could watch races on Sunday instead of her shows - she is now a 15 yo stable young lady who was neither harmed nor damaged by his actions. And it makes for a really good story.
What I want to know is whether they really have hearts on the pockets. That wasn't a lie, was it?
I find it interesting that she only appears to care about the pink and sparkles because she wants to make sure she's wearing girls' jeans, not because she apparently actually cares about pink and sparkles.
I so get what you're saying. My little kindergartener is in the same exact place.
She also wants girl legos. In her mind this means they should be pink or have girl action figures. Lego could do a better job of providing products that fit in this category.
I tried to explain that legos were just legos and anybody could play with them, but she's not buying it.
I shared her comments with a colleague who just huffed "wonder where she got that idea?" as if it was something I whispered into her ear at night.
You're a good mommy, and a good feminist. even feminists are allowed to be attached to their heart-butted jeans!
FWIW, the Bear went through a similar phase, when all jeans that weren't pink and over-decorated were "boy pants." Now she LIKES plain blue jeans, because all the crap eventually falls off.
@Ianqui, yes, there really are little hearts on the pockets. They form part of a stylized swoosh.
@FEP, it's the primary color thing. Red used to be her favorite, but we've moved into the hot pinks. About the colleagues, are you in my department?
@Cranky, I'm so tired of cleaning glitter and cheap rhinestones out of the washing machine. There was this one shirt... First time she wore it she looked like Liberace. Once through the washer and it was just another glue-stained t-shirt.
@Everyone else, thanks. I wonder how Miley Cyrus feels as a "serious artist," all her fans being under the age of 8.
For my fifth birthday, I requested a ruffly dress in either pink or purple, and had a party at which about 8 little girls all wearing similar dresses watched Alice in Wonderland (being able to rent a VCR to watch a movie at home was a big deal at the time) and ate pink cake. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, and it was the most perfect day ever.
Now I am sitting here, in lab, crunching data, wearing jeans and sneakers and a ponytail, and now (some) days like these are the perfect ones. Things change, she'll be fine, a little bit of pink embroidery never hurt anyone!
When I was a kid I actually had one of those little tools to put the plastic "rhinestones" on myself. Then I found they got in the way. I stuck onto bookbags instead of my clothes. Fortunately, I have boys. And they are still into Zoboomafoo.
Not to worry: when I was 5, I burst into tears because I decided that the shirt my parents had bought for me (striped, button-front) "makes me look like a boy!" [imagine this wailed, rather than said]. By the time I was 12, my parents pretty much had to force me to wear a dress, rather than the beloved jeans.
(Of course, by age 14 I had a safety pin stuck through my ear, but you've got a long time before you have to face that.)
Needs must. She's happy with the pants, you're happy she's wearing them. When she can read you lose this ability. Enjoy it for now.
As for school uniforms, what kids wear IS a uniform, it just isn't school-wide.
"And ponder this: no matter what you say or how badly you behave, my kid is going to win this one. Maybe not this year, but she will win eventually. (And mine will grow up knowing that I never, never lied to her.)" - Angry Professor
Yes, Anonymous, very good. That was the point.
This Hannah Montana thing, though--utterly bewildering. It's like...a mind control switch. I understand Angry's reticience.
Oh my! Poor Angry Kid, and poor you!
Well, sometimes you have to tell kids what they want to hear in order for everyone to get on with their day. And I'm still scarred at having to wear my older male cousins' clothes to school one day. It was HORRIFYING, though I was the only one who noticed anything was off-kilter.
AP:
I too knew right off what your point was, but, unlike you, I am willing to cut you some slack.
Does Hannah Montana wear jeans? yes. Are AK's jeans officially licensed Hanna Montana jeans? Not that you know of. But Hanna would definitely like them. (Maybe you should send Miley Cyrus $1.50 as a licensing fee!)
Relax. Enjoy.
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