In which my frustrations boil over.

I am considering buying a double-wide, moving to the middle of a swamp in Louisiana and getting a job at the local Home Depot. Anything would be an improvement over the clusterfuck my paper has turned into.

And I really thought I was going to resubmit it today and take a week's vacation. Just whack me over the head with a crowbar. I'm pretty sure that would be less painful.

In which I channel the Angry Kid.

I just wrote a version of the following sentence, quite intentionally:

...Under [conditions], the range of [effect] will appear more larger.

Time for a few days' vacation.

Mailbag Monday: Edition "...and then they stole my tinfoil helmet!"

From: XXXXX@XXXXX.net
To: Angry Professor
Subject: Teragrid error - correction sought - involves Navy and contractors Madigan & Daley - Edelman too - see Margolis - Resulting from ethics complaint to PRSA

Hello Everyone,

I'm writing to you about a dilemma I'm dealing with, seeking your input for correction.

Ages ago my abstract was one of six selected from a pool of over 200 for an article in a Journal at Northwestern. It was an article that involved original research - all the necessary rights were signed off.

Northwestern killed the article and took the research. When I tried to correct the matter, I was threatened. I had multiple break-ins at home and office (police & security reports available) - most regarding the Northwestern matter. One of the break-ins involved leaving behind two videos, one a surgery video including the person's name, date of surgery, birthdate,ss# and more. The person is an employee of Great Lakes and was at Northwestern/VA at the time of the surgery.

An ethics complaint with supporting evidence was drafted and submitted for review (see complaint after signature). It was presented to Del Galloway who recommended I initiate a complaint, Prof. Dean Kruckeberg who advanced the complaint to Chuck Wood.

In reference to my computer system, to secure the data I was putting together regarding the lawsuit, They DDE Trusted my system to other computers. I have the computers ids and others to verify. Then, when that failed, I think they ran my computer through NCSA out of UIUC, also used Bitnet. I have all of the paperwork documentation. In any case, it appears that these folks used government resources to try to cover-up this mess. There was a big presentation of the success of the grid in Sept 2003. The hackings via the grid were prior to this.

My problem is that when they tried to cover this up, I somehow became toxic with manganese and copper (they counteract – am experiencing Parkinson-like systems and my head moves a compass—joy joy..).

Please know that I am a big proponent of technology, used correctly and with accountability. These actions undermine everything.

Here' what Happened when I discovered the grid connection in a hidden sdsc folder on my computer. The hidden file was labeled as SDSC, that may be the San Diego Super Computer. There were 19 computers on the network in that file and I could directly access them without a password. I was able to access UIUC or UIC (I’m not sure now which one). I backed out of it.

Now, at this point, I had no knowledge of the teragrid. I later looked up the acronyms that I could remember when opening the SDSC file (IIT, UIUC, UIC, Argonne (wasn’t an acronym), I think City Hall, and others.

When I tried to report this (not being my primary concern, my research and the break-ins), all hell broke lose. Everyone was bending over backward trying to cover this up and even denying the existence of the grid.

I later found out that the DoD is responsible for securing the grid. Who are the DoD points of contact for each party involved?

My request to you is that of finding direction for correcting this matter so that I can get on with my life. Plus, I’m not an idiot. I can see the security risks with this. If I can see this, then others trained are having a field day.

As noted, my system was incorrectly connected to the teragrid via Northwestern's portion of the grid (via a Lincoln Properties building - notified - refused to account for actions). You'll find that most of the universities that were entrusted to secure these supercomputers failed to do so. As a result, all confidential e-mails, archives, etc for the gov and their perspective affiliations are now on the net free to access by anyone using a search engine.

I’m seeking correction for the actions taken to cover this up. At the close of this email is the original complaint.

Your help is appreciated.

Thank you.

[Original incoherent complaint snipped by AP]

In which I complete an enormous task.

Today I cleaned out/reorganized my email Inbox. This morning I had over 3400 emails in there. Now I have three. I found that almost all of the mail from the lsu.edu domain could be deleted without even looking at it.

"It burns! It burns!"

Update: So should we cut her some slack? My first uncharitable impulse is to say, "Hell no!" because a question is always easy the second time you answer it.

Mailbag Monday: Edition "I don't have to eat cadavers"

[This guy is starting to get repetitive. Next week: A new kook!]

From: mzmzmz@bonbon.net
To: Angry Professor
Subject: 2006-01-20

A conduct can be pathological or non pathological (phisiological), no external or middle case is expected. 90% of the people who killed a parent (or a son, brother, sister, husband , wife, all animals) is declared mentally healthful, this means: non pathological conduct, phisiological-genetic conduct, good doctor, not "infected cattle".

Medicine is an exact science, jurisprudence is an exact science. Enemies and friends.. of the mental hygiene only: war between doctors isn't expected value; "fighting with islam against the devil" ..announcing this obvious information could save some health.

Siegmund Freud lies not knowing to be lying: he is a conceptual pedophile who says children has sexual attraction for parent (edipus) and that mind is partitioned in 3 parts (ego superego es). False premiss brings wrong result; like Freud says, cognitive error is associated with pathological conduct, biological group self-destructive activity.

"Your parent acts with you like with friends": the medical doctor must bring this or enhanced reflection to the habitants, for excluding non-genetic behavioral epidemics. Slapping child is a crime and a mania, like by the general rule, if child doesn't born genetically stupid, handicapped, diseased, socially dangerous. Habitants of the planet kill gays but children don't born gays, habitants corrupt and kill children doing a "sacrifice to the devil": this non genetic epidemic is familiarly but not geneticaly transmitted. With baptism christians grace by themselfs from god's sentence.

If vegetarian diet gives longer and better life than non-vegetarian diet, non-vegetarian diet is an alimentary behavior pathology. Eating another human is a behavioral disturb; a cow has 96,5% d.n.a. perfectly matching with human d.n.a. I am racist: i think animals is inferior race, so i don't have to eat cadavers, thing that induce a phisiological genetic reflex: vomit

You are authorized by the author to the use u think is necessary; pls forward. I'm sure you will not forget about me if u will become rich with this book.
Pls take a look of this unsponsored link: http://www.priore-cancer.com This could be a final version, in that case u will not receive from me notifications anymore. About 60 on 50.000 valid addresses unsubscribed from last mailwave. If you no longer wish to receive email from this healing machine, reply to this letter and insert in the "subject" of the reply: "unsubscribe" and the email u want to unsbscribe.

In which I rub your noses in it.

Remember 'way back in May, when y'all kept blogging on and on about how y'all had gotten your final grades in, how y'all were going on vacation and wasn't it great didn't it feel good?

Well, while I was reading about your trips to Maine and Japan and the lounging on the deck and the trailing the fingers in the water while you canoed across the Chain O'Lakes, I was just hitting midterms in the Spring quarter and y'all made me feel like poo. So for those of you gearing up to start the fall semester next week, tearing apart your syllabi and tearing out your hair, I would just like to announce:

I STILL HAVE FIVE MORE WEEKS OF SUMMER!

Love and kisses!

Mailbag Monday: Edition "War between doctors isn't expected value"

From: @
To: Angry Professor
Subject: 2005-10-04

Please assign "true" or "false" or "syntax error" value to each sentence

Medicine is exact science, jurisprudence is exact science

Christians grace by themselfs, with baptism, from god's sentence

A conduct can be or pathological or non-pathological (phisiological); a subclass originated from the union of these 2 classes (phisiopathological conducts) is undetectable; a class of conducts external of the 2 classes is undetectable

Terrorists are "servants of devil" but they dont know: they will not go to paradise, and not to hell, because devil doesn't want idiots. War happens where has been a deficiency of intelligence. Enemies and friends? Only of mental hygiene forcibly. War between doctors isn't expected value

If child doesn't born stupid-handicapped, striking child is a crime and a mania

Sigmund freud lies not knowing he's lying: he is a conceptual pedophile who says children has sexual attraction for parents (oedipus) and that mind is builded with 3 parts (ego superego es) and other new things; like freud says, cognitive error is associated with patology: the person trusts false thing then makes "biological-group self-destructive action"

If vegetarian diet gives longer life than non-vegetarian diet, non-vegetarian diet is a alimentary behavioral disturb. A cow has 96,4% DNA perfectly matching with human DNA, for this reason, if eating a young human is a behavioral disturb, eating a young cow can't be a behavioral disturb

Earth's habitants kill gays but children dont born gays, earth's habitants corrupt then kill children, doing a serial sacrifice; non genetically-hermaphrodite transexuals, are subjects to similar dynamic, this parasitic "imprinting"of behavioral disturb is familiarly but not genetically transmitted

The diagnostic/therapic test may be useful in that case too : "DO YOUR PARENT ACTS WITH YOU LIKE WITH FRIENDS"; (the other possible case is "enemy"..not a surprise). We apply this kind of investigation if we want to know if a pathology is endogenous (genetic) or exogenous (acquired pathology ) , or if we want to verify that a suspect conduct is pathological. No statistic is needed by law to validate the use of this instruction, that uses easy word to describe the problem, so that can be understood by the young clients too. Now the medical doctor assigns very expensive drug while doesn't perform the test

An unexpected good time.

Every Thursday night the Angry Kid gets to go on a "date" with one of us. This week was my week, and because it's too hot in Ellesiouville to live, we went to the air-conditioned movies. AK is a movie Freak-with-a-capital-F. (I came home from work one Saturday to find her and the Angry Baker watching The Godfather together. Now she knows what it means to "sleep with the fishes.")

She's already seen almost everything rated G or PG out this summer, so there was only one choice left: Hairspray. I bit the bullet, and put the credit card into the ticket machine.

I must confess, it was pretty good. I love Baltimore and John Waters, and the movie is full of Baltimorean jokes and subtle jabs. If you go, make sure you look for Waters' cameo in the opening number.

But those bits were all for me. For the Angry Kid, it was an hour and a half of almost solid Broadway music and lots of dancing. There isn't a four-year-old anywhere who wouldn't love it. And it gave us a chance to talk about race relations after.

Dharma of the Bodhisattva Sanders.

The Angry Baker and I belong to an organization that attracts a fringe, newage, neo-hippy demographic. (Thinking about it more carefully, I guess the AB and I are the fringe; the neo-hippies are the mainstream.) The organization has a mailing list, and sometimes we get pretty strange invitations.

Most recently we received the following:

Just wanted to let everyone know that my friend [Len Tuckwilla] will be selling some of his organic, free range and locally produced chickens in a few weeks. His farm, called [Nirvana Farms], is [somewhere close by]. After having tried a lot of different "organic" poultry I think his is by far the best. Also he is a Buddhist so I think his chickens must lead happy and peaceful lives. He charges $[X.XX]/pound and you can get whole chickens or chicken pieces, either fresh or frozen. [Emphasis mine.]

A Buddhist? A Buddhist? A Buddhist chicken farmer?

Listen and receive enlightenment, Children of Woo! For after reciting the Threefold Refuge do we recite the Five Precepts, the first (first!) being "I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures."

Buddhists are vegetarians, you anencephalic morons. Do you guys store bong water in your craniums?

Edited to add: OK, while Buddhists are not strictly vegetarian, they are not supposed to kill for food. I.e., chicken butchery is out.

A question for my Jewish friends.

I am inspired by Franklin's recently completed fabulous shawl. Would it be appropriate for a goy to knit a tallit for my BFF's son's bar mitzvah?

If such a garment would not be an abomination (no mixing of wool and linen, of course), would any of you care to tell me how to make the tzitziot? And what a nice blessing would be for the top? (Any Jewish knitters know of a Hebrew lace alphabet?)

That is all. Thank you.

Mailbag Monday: Edition "Huh?"

From: The canadian army makes war to the mentally sane people
To: Angry Professor
Subject: you can't evaluate a sentence that you don't possess with your memory

The tribunal says that some raper is sane and has no mental illness or
disability; this means: physiological activity, non pathological activity.
Also crimes against the patrimony or with economic motive are non
physiological conduct (biological group self-destructive activity..if
everybody would do that..)

Sane doctors don't fight each other, not for economic motive, not for
general security motive respecting exact national and international rules;
in any conflict almost one fighter is mentally insane. Communists and
nazists are either mentally insane, or they got the reason. Kamikaze bombers
are severe maniacs and agents of devil, enemies of their own god, lord of
medicine.

"Egyptians kill gays but children are not born gays: egyptians corrupt then
kill children, using facts indicated as crimes by their actual penal code"
This is an example, told with impressive and exact words, of something that
can happen in this reality and that medicine must avoid to happen.
It is the description of "case A" that with the genetic case, the "case B",
describes the all possible existable cases, also the "predisposition plus
activation" case. Why slapping child isn't a crime and a mania ?

Killing animals is a crime and a mania, according to a general penal rule
approved by each national medical council. Why eating dead animals isn't a
crime and a mania ? In every case it is a parasitic activity.

Siegmund Freud lies not knowing to be lying: is he a conceptual pedophile
who says children has sexsual attraction for parents, and that mind is
partitioned in three parts: ego, superego, es ? Is psychoanalysis a fake ?

Sunday morning, Square State.

A local megachurch blowhard's Sunday sermon is airing live on FOX. The sermon is really no more than an infomercial for the blowhard's tapes, books, and, especially, the church's private school. He is bemoaning the fact that the biology textbook used in Square State's public high schools devotes five chapters to evolution.

The horror!

The Angry Professor's Personality Test.

How well do you know the Angry Professor? Take this quiz and find out!

1. The Angry Professor must perform an unpleasant task for which she must wear a suit. She will

a. buy a new, fashionable suit.

b. lose 15 lbs. so she can fit into her old suit.

c. find an excuse to get out of performing the task.

2. The Angry Professor must perform an unpleasant task for which she must prepare a briefing. She will

a. work hard for a few days to produce a sexy briefing suitable for presentation to her Representative.

b. dig out some old teaching philosophy statement and reformat it.

c. find an excuse to get out of performing the task.

3. The Angry Professor must perform an unpleasant task requiring up-to-date business cards. She will

a. order new cards to be delivered in a timely fashion.

b. grab a handful of cards and scratch out the inaccurate information.

c. find an excuse to get out of performing the task.

4. The Angry Professor must perform an unpleasant task for which she must stand and walk around a lot in uncomfortable shoes. She will

a. purchase stylish yet comfortable shoes to match her suit.

b. pull her men's Rockport Comfortech wingtips (size 5) out of the closet and dust them off.

c. find an excuse to get out of performing the task.

5. The Angry Professor must perform an unpleasant task which requires her to make immediate plane and hotel reservations. She will

a. make those reservations today.

b. procrastinate and make the reservations at the last minute, and so lose the preferred room rate and have to pay double what everyone else must pay.

c. find an excuse to get out of performing the task.

Give yourself 1 point for every "a" response, 2 points for every "b" response, and 3 points for every "c" response. What was the Angry Professor's score?

Oh sweet Jesus on a stick!

Back in March I agreed to do something that I thought would be similar to serving on an NIH panel. That is, I thought I'd fly into the D.C. area, check into a comfy hotel, sit in a room with a bunch of friends for a few days talkin' about research, and then go home. Usually everyone wears clothing made of jersey and lots of beer is drunk (in the evenings, after the research part is over).

Well, surprise! I will be making "congressional visits." Yeah, that congress. I have just received instructions on how to create my "briefing sheets" and been told how important business cards will be.

I'm a fucking lobbyist. I'm going to have to buy a fucking suit, and maybe even wear fucking pantyhose with fucking high heels. I'm going to have to borrow a fucking briefcase to carry my fucking briefs in.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

In which I am not impressed.

Dear Angry Professor,

I need one more social science credit to graduate. I was wondering if I could earn this credit by working in your lab next quarter. I have no previous experience, and I don't know what you do, but I would be happy to work for you. Let me know what you think.

Thank you,
A. Student