What's the worst movie ever made? There are so many to choose from. Back when I had nothing else better to do, I fancied myself something of a connoisseur of bad film. I sought it out; I savored badness like fine wine. I threw parties where I shared it with friends:
Naively I believed that the worse the film, the greater the pleasure to be had in watching it. But then I made the mistake of watching one because I thought it would be horribly delicious. I was wrong; it was only horrible:
That night I learned pain. Some movies are too bad to be enjoyed, even by the hopelessly sardonic. And now, thanks to the Angry Kid, I found another movie even worse than "Goddess of Love." Even Vanna White cannot hope to match the purulence that is
Tonight at my house you would have heard the following dialogue:
Angry Kid: Mommy! I want to watch the Care Bears!
Angry Professor: No, Honey. Anything else, please.
Angry Kid: No, I want Care Bears.
Angry Professor: Honey, it's really the nastiest thing I've ever seen.
Angry Kid: It is not nasty. Start it where they're in the Forest of Feelings!
10 comments:
I "accidently" stepped on it. Screechy is just not to be borne.
The worst movie I've ever sat through was Tom Green's unspeakably execrable "Freddy Got Fingered" (2001). God help us and save us.
The Little Anachronism now thinks that Care Bears are 'cute' because they look fun, but we've never succumbed to a viewing. Thanks for the warning! (not that we needed much of one: we've been saying the Care Bear videos are "not appropriate" without clarifying that age appropriateness works both ways).
Oh dear God, there's a special edition????? *Runs away screaming*
The girl has gotten quite used to my refusal to watch certain things on the grounds that they are *insipid* (Barney, Elmo, yes, Care Bears . . .)
rosemama
I've never quite lost my enjoyment of cartoons, but the Care Bears exist in some kind of dark universe that saps my life force whenever I am exposed to it.
Possibly the unintentionally worst movie GPop and I ever sat all the way through was Buddy. The IMDB plot outline is this. "Rene Russo plays an eccentric socialite who raises a gorilla as her son." Blech.
We also sat through Congo. The common theme for bad movies seems to be apes.
The one recent movie we left midway through in the theater was House of Wax, "starring" Paris Hilton. I didn't realize that fact when we walked in, and the gore was just too much when juxtaposed with her Hiltoness.
I felt myself getting stupider as we watched Anchorman, and we shut that one off, but we had a free rental on that one.
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I deleted my previous comment, because I mistyped the HTML i tag as an a tag several times. Duh.
Did you know that the Care Bears Movie is used as a torture device on POW's? After 30 seconds the prisoners always confess everything.
They even confess stuff they did not do just to get the jailers to turn the movie off.
Also the animators who worked have now been committed to asylums for the criminally insane because of the making the movie destroyed their frontal lobes and they lost all impulse control.
Gigli is an easy target, but it's not as bad as "Talladega Nights".
Best movie of all time: "Santa Claus Conquers the Matians". An absolute classic of American cinema.
Brigadoon. Possibly Gene Kelly's only bad musical.
Damn. Where'd you get all those awesome/awful movie posters?
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