It is a crazy time at Chez Angry. The Angry Kid begins kindergarten next year, and the scramble for schools begins February 2. The Ellesiouville city school system sucks ditch water, for the most part, so we have to choose between private schools or a short selection of charter schools for which we have to lottery. We are spending a lot of time going to open houses, an activity that makes me irritable and difficult to get along with.
Last night we went to a local coffee shop for a light dinner before doing the elementary school circuit. Our favorite booth was occupied by a young couple -- without 30 years between the two of them -- cuddling, so we sat instead at a nearby table. Hence I got a nice close look at the pair, as the cuddling escalated to stroking, which initiated the getting of the coats, which led to overt mutual masturbation barely hidden by the oh-so-trendy little hip-length jackets.
I thought about getting the manager. I thought about standing over them and giving them my best pissed-off mom "you should be ashamed of yourselves" with the shaking of the finger and the hands on the hips. I thought about calling the police. I did none of these things. We left; we were late.
I really can't say if my enduring bad mood from last night is because of the school crap or the lewd behavior crap. Or if I'm more upset by the lewd behavior or by my lack of response to it. I just want to hurt someone.
Update: No, I'm not blogging from jail, just premenstrual. I love a theory that explains everything.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
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11 comments:
Can I be premenstrual, too?
I would have gone over and sat down at the booth. And then I would have loudly said something bitchy like, "Hey there, Lois! Why don't you come do me at my table when you are through polishing Bob's nob! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" (Like one of the Sorority Girls From Hell. If you don't know what I'm talking about, google it. The video is priceless!)
This isn't really just conjecture. I saw something like it happen at Leona's in Hyde Park, and I did something almost as fun -- I pointed and said (really loudly) "Hey everybody -- can you believe how small that guy's penis is? Look -- I think that woman's trying to make it bigger, but it isn't working! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
Eeeeeuuuwww. [shudders]
A well-placed panini to the middle of someone's forehead might've made your point. And I think you'd've been justified. Blehhhhh.
RE: AK going to kindergarten...
I know a lot of mothers who are just wrecks when their first born go off to school the first day. I went from zero kids to an 11-year-old, so I missed that particular milestone, but I always try to lend a sympathetic ear and a comforting smile. Best of luck with that.
RE: Public Displays of Affection...
I'm always at a bit of a loss when I see the pre-driving set snuggling and getting more intimate in public than we prudish prunes are comfortable with. Just because you have perfect skin and teeth, all of your hair in its original color, and infinite libido doesn't mean that the local "place to be" has turned into the "place to boink."
I remember when I got out of line as a kid (very rarely, of course), my parents would usually know very soon after. I don't know what magic there used to be in the world, but I think we still need some of it.
Public shaming and embarrassment is a useful tool. I'd have made a spectacle of it.
AK to kindergarten: woo hoo, you're in for a ride. We did the dance of private/charter school courtship with the Bean, and it was so exhausting to be "on" for the whole process. It's as if they're interviewing you as well.
Public shaming and disapprobation is fun, if you do it right.
Though, AP, just get yourself a nice little .38 and hit the range. For an initial investment of $400, you can get a nice used Smith (or a Taurus) and a couple boxes of wadcutters. More effective than therapy or SSRIs and lasts longer!
I'm with gdad, didn't useter be that way. But see, I'm enjoying Advancing Age and have no scruples about such things. I would've said something. Not sure what (I go for spontaneity) but *something*. Maybe "Excuse me - what did you have on the menu because I want the same thing."
I had a very clever friend who had the Perfect Comeback: she was in Italy, where the young men enjoyed unzipping and waving at her and her friend with their - (what's the spam call it?) MEMBER. She cooly looked at one fellow and said "Amazing! Looks sort of like a penis, but smaller." They all zipped up and left. I'm with Aidan, too. Just sayin'.
Public humiliation is a wonderful tool. Last week a friend and I were driving and we drove past a couple making out at a bus stop. She honked at them and they promptly stopped. It was hilarity all around.
Has the phrase "get a room" lost its punch?
If the kid was with you (and oblivious), it was probably best to stay quiet. Maybe you might have gotten the waiter's attention to complain to the manager. If the kid isn't present and it happens again, then I recommend louder and more immediate complaints - even if "get a room." Probably others there were also being quiet and wishing someone would object.
I'll unnecessarily pile on in favor of public embarrassment. There's no need to be incredibly mean about it - usually even a polite request is really embarrassing. If the kids are decent people, they stop making everyone watch their sex life and you're happy. If the kids act like jerks and make a scene, but you remain calm and civil, they end up looking and acting completely insane and will probably be kicked out of the establishment. Problem solved.
Will no one speak up on the side of free love? ;^)
Seriously, folks, isn't this preferable to hundreds of hours of television with people being killed in various ways?
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