Every member of my family is at least 250 miles away, and that's the way I like it on Christmas. I called them all, sent pictures, and even had a nice talk with Crazy Mother on Christmas morning -- the first interesting, mature, and non-aggravating discussion I've had with her in probably 10 years.
At the end of this discussion she mentioned that she had, for Christmas, sent a letter to the Angry Kid. This made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, but I was too busy to follow it up. The letter arrived today, and my suspicions were confirmed.
It's hard to raise a child as an atheist. Harder still when the child's grandmother, who knows full well we are atheists, sends her proselytizing letters about "God's best Christmas present, his son Jesus Christ," with instructions to me to read it to her.
I told the Angry Kid that Gramma had written some silly things that I wasn't going to tell her about, but that I would read everything I could. (I probably shouldn't have said that. But it was better than the, "Oh, fuck you!" and pitching it in the trash that was my first inclination.) There wasn't much I could read, as even the stuff that wasn't about Jesus was inappropriate in a letter to a child ("I've been so unhappy... I found a new job... etc.").
I'll put the letter away so the Angry Kid can read it when she's older if she wants. Meanwhile I'm aching to pick up the phone and rupture the crazy old biddy's tympanic membranes.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
So, if you're going to raise the Angry Kid as an atheist, why not give her the option of hearing what your mom has to say so that she can make her decision?
I don't know, I had early exposure to Jack Chick - style literary evangelism via my next door neighbors. Scared the shit out of me. I'd think that Angry Kid might want to be a little older before she starts reading stuff like it sounds like she wrote. Not enough context to make sense of most of it, sounds like.
I had a crazy mother who has now passed away. And I have an even crazier mother-in-law who has not. I agree completely with how you handled it, including resisting the urge to call up your mum and give her an earful. It's a hard lesson to learn, and a harder lesson to accept: you can't teach a pig to dance...you just waste your time and aggravate the pig.
Uh, no, that would be raising the kid to be agnostic. There's a big difference.
So, Just Wondering, can I have your phone number so I can proselytize your kid(s)? I'm sure I can come up with some religion you'll find totally offensive; I could always make one up.
Just wondering, I think part of the problem is that the letter wasn't written as a presentation of a point of view but as plain proselytization, and requested to be read aloud *by* the mother who is trying to raise her child as an atheist. I doubt that there is any way the child won't be exposed to the concept of Jesus growing up in America. But it's downright manipulative to try and set up a scene in which the atheist mother reads "God's best Christmas present, his son Jesus Christ" to the child.
As a Jew, I'm perfectly willing to talk with someone about their beliefs and my beliefs, and I don't really find it offensive when people try to persuade me otherwise (just foolish). But it IS hurtful and, again, manipulative to try and expose a captive audience to speech predicated upon the existence of God and Jesus.
To express as concisely as I can: It's very different to say, "I think Jesus is great," as opposed to, "Isn't it so nice that Jesus is so great?" The latter presupposes agreement.
If the very mention of "Person for Whose Birthday this Holiday is Celebrated" in a letter from CM, drive's you to such a state, why are you even celebrating/acknowledging Christmas to Angry Kid, or rest of Angry Family? Seems like that would be pretty confusing on several levels. JMHO... Happy Winter Solstice!
jw,
I can't speak for AP, but I would suspect a lot of parents would respond to your question the same way if the situation was that Crazy Mother wrote a letter exhorting Angry Kid to be wary of Xenu and his minions, or perhaps telling the child to be extra good on Wodin's Day each week. If the message is nonsensical and probably harmful, why would any parent lend any credibility to it by reading it to his or her child?
Eh. Not worth the aggravation.
However, I would give the AK some idea of what to expect as she gets older -- eventually, she's going to be exposed to CM's insanity in person, and you want her to be prepared for that. Beyond the "CM believes/writes some crazy things."
In the end, she'll come to her own conclusions, anyway.
What will you do if she decides to join an organized religion?
Anonymous - it is not the mention of Jesus Christ that annoys me, it is the attempt to force Christian beliefs on my 4 year old that annoys me. We have already explained that Christmas is the time of year when we try to be extra-nice to everyone (I even attribute the sentiment to someone named Jesus who might have lived a long time ago), and when we celebrate the sun coming back. Even if we didn't celebrate a secular Christmas as a family tradition, exposure to other kids in daycare makes it impossible for us not to.
Cranky, if she does make that decision as an adult I will try to support her in it. But I would hope her decision comes from a belief in a loving and generous god, rather than a fear of death and hell. It is my own hellfire-and-brimstone (and downright kooky) experience that I don't want her to go through.
AP: Well said. It really bets my nipples in a twist when people question the religious (or areligious) views of another. The most deeply spiritual and truly religious people I have ever met were also those most tolerant of religious and philosophical differences.
And, while I have the podium, allow me to add that your allowance for anonymous comments is notable. Not that I approve of them, mind you. Don't write me something you don't want to sign you name to. That's stuff we did in grade school. But as an academic, I expect you thrive on the free exchange of ideas. More power to you.
That roast beast is really haunting me. The Lovely Myfanwe likes her beef well done. (Shudder.)And Norbert is a vegetarian. I haven't had a roast beast in 9 years.
I am slightly puzzled about another thing, not the religion. Why do you think it is inappropriate for a four year old to be told that CM has a new job? Do you consider the fact as such inappropriate?
I can't imagine (I am notoriously unimaginative) a reason why it's wrong telling a four year old that people (have to) change jobs from time to time.
This is why I love the f---ing holidays.
a) I want your roast, badly. I dremt of it, last night.
b} I am so happy to hear that other people have a CM as well. Mine just bought a house in the same state as I, and I am considering moving to Montserrat, or any other island that is inaccessible by air and has an active volcano.
c) with any luck at all, our parents will die before us, leaving us many happy years where we do not have to provide antibiotic ointment.
I think that you can best immunize your kids against toxic religious memes by exposing them early. If you present the information yourself, you can control how it is presented and couch it in how you think about it.
You can talk to them about social history and how these things used to be important, and some people like your relative still think that way. About how before science, people naturally had questions about the world and they answered it the best they could. About how christmas is a time of midwinter solstice celebrations that finally the sun is starting to return and warmth will return. The festival of Sol Invictus was celebrated as an ecuminical holiday all throughout the mediterranean world for hundreds of years, just as various yule celebrations occurred in the darker frozen north. Finally 300 years after the j-man the christians under constantine decided to piggyback the j-guy's celebration on top of it because they couldn't displace those pagan celebrations (earlier the j birthday had been celebrated in the spring, consistent with accounts of newborn sheep, etc.). And how most of what the western world does for that holiday traces from those early pre-christian traditions, rather than anything in the bible.
Then young ones will already have antibodies forwhen they are exposed to these toxins out in the wild.
Whem you get right down to it, proseyltizing is rude. Anyone claiming to be God's elect, particularly a Christian, needs to re-read Matthew 6:6. CM knows where AP is coming from, and it's an attempt to undermine her "For AK's own good."
Personally, I find actions to be much more effective than words if you want to convince someone your way is the right way.
My colleague was not only raised atheist, but with no exposure to religion at all. He is one of the most gentle and good people I know. Unlike myself who came by his atheism the old fashioned way.
His view of it is so enjoyable. He finds it all very confusing and irrational. He is always asking about inconsistencies as if he perhaps missed something.
We had a wonderful discussion of Marianism today, he was so confused at the end of it (though I guess I was too).
Post a Comment